Going to vent a bit if that's okay.
A bit of context - I moved to my current country a bit over three years ago (just prior to the pandemic) for a four-year job contract. Before this, I was in the US doing my PhD so also a long way from home (I'm from the UK originally). I'm not a social butterfly and find it difficult to make new friends (I don't drink).
Anyways, I thought I was doing okay here. I was going out with people from work and I even met up with some people from Tinder (though it never went further than one coffee and then trailed off). But the people from work all have people they're better friends with/would prefer to spend time with over me and I'm not enjoying the work environment and the research. I can feel myself getting sad and lonely and disconnecting.
I applied for my dream job and found out this week that I was ranked second - I was really hoping to get the job and then have something permanent. I have other options and I'm trying to make something work after this position ends.
There's not really a point to this post - just feeling down and sharing.
just a bit sad
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satehen
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Re: just a bit sad
It’s good to vent. I’m glad you felt you could come here to share your problems. I notice this is from a few days ago, how are you feeling now?
I’m a little introverted myself, once I know people they’d never guess, but it’s getting to that stage where I can open up and be myself that’s hard. I think it’s really brave that you moved to different countries. I can’t imagine doing that. I still live within a short distance of my childhood home. Mostly because I can’t imagine not having close family and friends living near me. I’ve known loneliness in my youth. I was extremely shy and had very few friends for the most part. It didn’t help that those were the days before we all had mobile phones or social media. Yes, I’m that old. It’s hard though. And starting over and making new friends is a challenge, but you’re making the first step by reaching out to work colleagues. Yes they have their established friendship groups, but that doesn’t mean they don’t also enjoy spending time with you. You need to work on friendships, it takes time.
I know a little something about fixed term and casual employment too. I spent 11 years working for a supply agency. It was mentally exhausting and I felt like I wasn’t good enough because I couldn’t get a permanent position. In the end though the permanent job I did get was in an area I’d never have dreamed of doing. And that started out as fixed term as well, lost my job over covid, re-applied and was given permanent. While you’re looking it can feel like everyone else just walks into jobs, it can be really demoralising. I’ve lost out of jobs in the past that I thought were perfect for me, but if it were meant for me I’d have got it. I love the job that I do now and I value the security of a permanent position, especially as I see my fixed term colleagues worrying about their contracts not being rolled over. Temporary contracts are not great, but they’re a stepping stone to something better and all the experience adds up.
I hope you’re feeling a little bit more optimistic today, but if not please don’t hesitate to share on here.
I’m a little introverted myself, once I know people they’d never guess, but it’s getting to that stage where I can open up and be myself that’s hard. I think it’s really brave that you moved to different countries. I can’t imagine doing that. I still live within a short distance of my childhood home. Mostly because I can’t imagine not having close family and friends living near me. I’ve known loneliness in my youth. I was extremely shy and had very few friends for the most part. It didn’t help that those were the days before we all had mobile phones or social media. Yes, I’m that old. It’s hard though. And starting over and making new friends is a challenge, but you’re making the first step by reaching out to work colleagues. Yes they have their established friendship groups, but that doesn’t mean they don’t also enjoy spending time with you. You need to work on friendships, it takes time.
I know a little something about fixed term and casual employment too. I spent 11 years working for a supply agency. It was mentally exhausting and I felt like I wasn’t good enough because I couldn’t get a permanent position. In the end though the permanent job I did get was in an area I’d never have dreamed of doing. And that started out as fixed term as well, lost my job over covid, re-applied and was given permanent. While you’re looking it can feel like everyone else just walks into jobs, it can be really demoralising. I’ve lost out of jobs in the past that I thought were perfect for me, but if it were meant for me I’d have got it. I love the job that I do now and I value the security of a permanent position, especially as I see my fixed term colleagues worrying about their contracts not being rolled over. Temporary contracts are not great, but they’re a stepping stone to something better and all the experience adds up.
I hope you’re feeling a little bit more optimistic today, but if not please don’t hesitate to share on here.
And all that there is, is the absolute ugliness of being human. And you’ve got to love it. Or else you’re f**ked.
Re: just a bit sad
Thanks for the reply.
I'm feeling pretty much the same but I think this is going to be a long-term thing until something good happens. My family are visiting later this week which I'm looking forward to and I'm hoping will be the good thing that gives me a boost - I don't get enough hugs really. Also, the weather is starting to change which is a bit of a boost - fed up with snow.
In my field, it's totally normal to have a few (at least one) temporary positions before you're competitive for permanent positions at a university - usually, they're under 2 years so I've actually been really fortunate that my position here is 4 years. I'm just ready for a home and to settle somewhere (preferably back in the UK where it's easier to see family). I have applied for another temporary thing that I will hear about in May - it's 3 years but it's meant to morph into something permanent at the end
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Plus in Norway pretty much all relationships begin as casual sex because they're socially awkward and rely on alcohol (I'm generalising but not extremely) - as an introverted non-drinker who doesn't do casual this does not work for me.
I'm feeling pretty much the same but I think this is going to be a long-term thing until something good happens. My family are visiting later this week which I'm looking forward to and I'm hoping will be the good thing that gives me a boost - I don't get enough hugs really. Also, the weather is starting to change which is a bit of a boost - fed up with snow.
In my field, it's totally normal to have a few (at least one) temporary positions before you're competitive for permanent positions at a university - usually, they're under 2 years so I've actually been really fortunate that my position here is 4 years. I'm just ready for a home and to settle somewhere (preferably back in the UK where it's easier to see family). I have applied for another temporary thing that I will hear about in May - it's 3 years but it's meant to morph into something permanent at the end
.Plus in Norway pretty much all relationships begin as casual sex because they're socially awkward and rely on alcohol (I'm generalising but not extremely) - as an introverted non-drinker who doesn't do casual this does not work for me.
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satehen
- Posts: 180
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Re: just a bit sad
Fingers crossed for that job. You work at a university? Do you mind me asking what you do? My background is in education, I was a primary teacher for a few years, but that didn’t suit me. I then started working as an LSA (learning support assistant), I worked in Pupil Referral Units, SEN schools, primary and high schools. Eventually settled on FE and now work with young people with SEND (special educational needs and disabilities) and additional needs at a college. Best job ever, but took me a long time to find my niche.
And all that there is, is the absolute ugliness of being human. And you’ve got to love it. Or else you’re f**ked.
Re: just a bit sad
Hang in there. I understand where you’re coming from. It can be really sad and lonely in a foreign land. I’m sorry that finding friends becomes tricky for you. I hope you’ll get a job where you wanna be. Hugs.
“You can’t stay in your corner of the Forest waiting for others to come to you. You have to go to them sometimes.” — Winnie the Pooh
Re: just a bit sad
Crikey, Norway, yeah I can absolutely see that being isolating socially. I did a criminology masters in England back in the day and there were a lot of Norwegians - great people but socially VERY different from my introverted shy self. I hope it works out for you to get back to the UK soon
Re: just a bit sad
Thank you.
I had family come and visit this past week and a half, and it was lovely having people around. They left this morning, and I'm already feeling alone. I suppose this is motivation to get what I can from this position, and move somewhere closer.
I had family come and visit this past week and a half, and it was lovely having people around. They left this morning, and I'm already feeling alone. I suppose this is motivation to get what I can from this position, and move somewhere closer.
Re: just a bit sad
thanks for checking in! I appreciate it.
The answer is yes and no. I spent last week at wedding events for my school friend and it was nice being included in that. I found out I got a position at my dream institution starting next year - it's not the permanent job I wanted but it can become that. So I'm not less lonely now but I have hope for the future.
The answer is yes and no. I spent last week at wedding events for my school friend and it was nice being included in that. I found out I got a position at my dream institution starting next year - it's not the permanent job I wanted but it can become that. So I'm not less lonely now but I have hope for the future.