Shybi 3.0

I figured rather than starting with our first, let's start with our most recent. I'm with a guy and his wife who are in their late 30's.

I'm married to a wonderful understanding husband who is really ok with the fact that i am in an online relationship with a beautiful amazing woman. I am happy, Iove them both very much.

I was married to a nice guy and I always thought he was “the one” I also realised I sacrificed a lot. I put his needs before mine and for 20 years sex was something he pestered for and I gave him to keep him happy. He wasnt bothered about my needs and very rarely did I get anything from it. I had zero sex drive while on the pill trying not to get pregnant.

He never wanted to go out too far so we really ended up couped up at home. For years I asked to go places or hinted and we never did which built up resentment.

Eventually the kicker was I came off the pill and I then had a sex drive and when I wanted things to happen or tried to get some intimacy back, he wasnt interested and it felt like the spark had gone.

We argued a lot during lockdown as we were both at home and thats when I decided to get some independence back when lockdown ended. I was doing yoga and getting stronger and also travelling places alone which he then didnt like when I did grow in confidence. He kept telling me I had changed.

I couldnt do things any more and told him we sadly needed to divorce. He has been understanding now and knows our marriage wasnt the best at times. He gets on with my new partner now.

He treated me well for 20 years and didnt hit me or abuse me in any way but when I think about it now its hard not to look back and feel differently compared to when I felt he could do no wrong. I am not saying I was a saint but I feel I at least tried to hold things together.

We have a good relationship now and keep things purely platonic and are settling the divorce amicably, I just wish I found my voice a lot sooner.

Hi Ripley!

Great to read your update and see you're doing well. Sounds like you've been on quite a journey but I'm glad it's ended with you feeling empowered to live as you need to. I can definitely relate to wishing I had found my voice sooner. I also couldn't do more and kept that up for 20 years. Why did we keep it going for so long?! Social conditioning has a lot to answer for!

Bookworm wrote: Wed Mar 08, 2023 10:00 pm Hi Ripley!

Great to read your update and see you're doing well. Sounds like you've been on quite a journey but I'm glad it's ended with you feeling empowered to live as you need to. I can definitely relate to wishing I had found my voice sooner. I also couldn't do more and kept that up for 20 years. Why did we keep it going for so long?! Social conditioning has a lot to answer for!

Thanks. To say it has been a journey is an understatement. I have cried a lot of tears and had the most awkward conversations but I wouldn't change it.

Social conditioning definitely plays a factor in how we think we are meant to be. My partner is older than me so I know because of the generational up bringing, it was a lot harder for them to leave their relationship, even though they knew it was over. I think this relationship has made me grow more and be less judgemental as you dont know other peoples situations like you think you do.

I am still finding it hard to navigate as we both have pasts but I think the journey of self discovery never stops

VirgoGirl wrote: Tue Mar 07, 2023 12:00 pm I'm married to a wonderful understanding husband who is really ok with the fact that i am in an online relationship with a beautiful amazing woman. I am happy, Iove them both very much.

You are so lucky!

Redstar81 wrote: Fri Mar 10, 2023 9:55 pm

VirgoGirl wrote: Tue Mar 07, 2023 12:00 pm I'm married to a wonderful understanding husband who is really ok with the fact that i am in an online relationship with a beautiful amazing woman. I am happy, Iove them both very much.

You are so lucky!

I know i am and i appreciate both of them very much.

Plumpkin wrote: Sat Mar 11, 2023 9:32 am There ARE understanding men out there that believe having fun with another woman is NOT cheating.

Yeah i guess there are for sure, but there are special kind of men too that does not feel threatened by their woman having a serious relationship with another woman. I mean, sure I'm having fun, but it's not meaningless fun. What I feel for her is very serious and deep. I am very lucky and blessed to have a husband that is so understanding about my needs outside of our marraige. He makes me happy but he also knows that there is another side to me, other needs that he can not meet and he knows that this does not mean that i am unhappy with him or that i love him less. Because we always communicate and play by the rules, we both don't see this as cheating. I don't know, its most probably strange to society but it works for us and i have been my happiest lately. It has also made me and hubby grow closer and we communicate more and fight less. It has changed us and our relationship.

As for me and her, well we have rules too and we stick to them. Our marraiges always come first, eventhough we care for each other very deeply. Where the future will take us, i don't know. I'm just counting my blessings every day and thank the universe that i have this angel in my life now that brightens every day.

Plumpkin wrote: Mon Mar 13, 2023 9:54 am

I'm just counting my blessings every day and thank the universe that i have this angel in my life now that brightens every day.

Same as me, I just have a few more 'angels' in my life.

That's awesome!!

My last relationship was rocky. I was with a man who I later found out was married to a closeted lesbian. I was with him for 7yrs. We are now just very good friends with pretty intense memories. I haven't been with him since 2017.