Shybi 3.0

I know gender is this whole spectrum and not the simple dichotomy of male and female, just like sexuality is a spectrum and not just straight or gay. I’ve found myself thinking about my own gender lately. Someone started at work that uses they/them pronouns but also accepts he/him and she/her and identifies as gender fluid and asexual. They certainly have confused a lot of people at work who have been asking me as the LGBTQ+ advocate for the department what it all means.

So it got me thinking about gender and my own gender. I am cis-gender female, meaning I was anatomically born female and accept this as my gender identity. I use she/her pronouns. But I don’t feel as female as I feel that I should. I have long hair and I wear make up and feel comfortable doing so. But put me in a dress or a skirt and I feel as though I’m playing dress up. It feels wrong as if I’m dressing up as the wrong gender and I find myself saying things like “ that’s too girly” or “anyone would think I was a girl”. I wouldn’t touch anything pink with yours lol and last time I tried a heel was in high school, where I fell over and sprained my ankle. I mostly wear black in keeping with my alterative/ rocker/ metaller style.I don’t like traditional feminine things, I listen to metal, watch horror and have an interest in serial killers. I don’t feel as though I’m trans and I don’t identify as gender neutral or as male. I wonder where I’d sit on the spectrum? Maybe I’m just cis and over thinking it.

Anyone else feel this way? As if you’re not quite female enough but not quite anything else either?

I have always felt less female in the sense that I never conformed to the dresses and make up and loved having short hair. I hate the idea of dresses but give me jewellrey and I will be as feminine as I get.

I only started really embracing how i felt more after fully coming out now with my partner. She says she has male and female days and these seem to cycle with her hormones.

I always conformed to the norm through my marriage in terms of being the doting wife and taking care of his needs but that changed when I re evaluated how I felt personally about our relationship. He loathed the fact I wasnt a girly girl.

I sometimes dont feel great about the way I look because I kind of think thats not what most people want but I am what I am and my partner likes it.

Apart from the boobs and nether regions and I suppose I am quite sensitive (which can apply to blokes too) theres not a lot that feels female about me

satehen wrote: Tue May 30, 2023 1:46 pm ...I am cis-gender female, meaning I was anatomically born female and accept this as my gender identity. I use she/her pronouns. But I don’t feel as female as I feel that I should. I have long hair and I wear make up and feel comfortable doing so. But put me in a dress or a skirt and I feel as though I’m playing dress up. It feels wrong as if I’m dressing up as the wrong gender and I find myself saying things like “ that’s too girly” or “anyone would think I was a girl”. I wouldn’t touch anything pink with yours lol and last time I tried a heel was in high school, where I fell over and sprained my ankle. I mostly wear black in keeping with my alterative/ rocker/ metaller style.I don’t like traditional feminine things, I listen to metal, watch horror and have an interest in serial killers. I don’t feel as though I’m trans and I don’t identify as gender neutral or as male. I wonder where I’d sit on the spectrum? Maybe I’m just cis and over thinking it.

Anyone else feel this way? As if you’re not quite female enough but not quite anything else either?

There is much overlap between us -- I'm also cis-gender and identify as a woman and use she/her pronouns, I mostly wear black too (and leopard patterned blouses and scarves from time to time,) in keeping with my alternative rocker/punk/art style. I listen to punk, watch avant garde, indie and Hollywood (including horror) movies, and I follow radical politics. Nor do I like traditional feminine things. I rarely wear dresses (like maybe once every three years lol.)

I'm a life long non-conformist and I really don't give a fuck about how I'm "supposed" to feel about my sexuality. But I never felt other than female. All of the signals I get from the people around me treat me as female, subjectively I've always felt that I'm a woman even though some of my behaviors are interpreted as "butch." I easily pass for lipstick lez which could also be seen as art world punk depending on the context.

Not to diminish your concerns, but it seems to me that you are fine just as you are.

I look very feminine but I don't think I'm very feminine at all. I like flowers, pink and glittery stuff and fluff to some extent. I love jewellery and doing my nails and make up. I'm not manly as such, but my manner of speaking is quite direct and the way I deal with things in general is not overly feminine. I don't really think of gender but I have had family members say that I'm very mannish in my personality. If I'm honest, I take some offence at this. Being feminine doesn't mean I have to be the flappy, helpless damsel in distress! What is feminine and what is musculine? I'm not sure. I'm very independent of needing anyone which is one of the main reasons my family think I'm not so feminine but this is because that's how I've had to be. The result has nothing to do with my gender.

I just dress and do what I like and don't think about it too much.

With all due respect, if you’re born as a girl and grow into a woman and you identify as such, the clothes you wear or the makeup you apply makes no difference.
I mostly never wear makeup or high heels, but I’m always a woman from dusk to dawn. I’m always a woman in the daylight too

I know there’s people with penises who identify as a woman (or once had them) and that’s totally ok too.

I reject the notion I need to wear a skirt or heels or makeup to be feminine or considered a woman.
I am a woman. End of story.

Being a woman also isn’t defined by your sexuality or if you’re a mother, either. (Not that it was mentioned, but that’s not the case.)

Sadly for me and im sure plenty of others, I was brought up that gender specific things define us. Clothes when I wanted boys trainers and wasnt allowed them. Short hair but it made me look like a bloke or dresses as they were ladylike.

Now I am getting better but still float to the womens section. I think this is why i have the hang ups I have.

I have all my hair shaved in a half and a bit at the top thats spiked up and I still wonder if people would like it better longer. If it would somehow make me more attractive or more of a woman.

It doesnt matter as I say as I like it and my partner does, so why do I still after all these years think it defines me in some way.

I’ve got my brother’s male version of this Nike shirt on, it looks the same, this is the women’s:

https://www.nike.com/au/t/sportswear-es ... irt-lR8z6q

One woman on this link has short hair, the other long.

I’ve got long hair and was given my brother’s old shirt by my mum as apparently my brother has gained weight.

My mum pointed out it doesn’t matter if I’m wearing my brother’s old shirt as it’s a nice Nike shirt and it’s unisex to her, yes these clothes look the same. (Well, pretty similar). I’m not a man even if I’m wearing the male version of this top.
Here’s the guys similar top:
https://www.nike.com/au/t/sportswear-t-shirt-FPcVXK