I belong to a poetry exchange group where we get a week's worth of prompts and exchange our poems with a new partner each week. This poem was written to the prompt "dreamscape."
Welcome dark of night!
I enter the apparitional desert,
swim the fogged gulleys, chilled hexagrams
cling to my skin while the wraith
of Mamu beckons me to lie
down next to her daughter
on a bed of angel hair down
where she'll breathe away
my garments and anoint my body
with star dust before she embraces me
wraps her legs around my thighs
and rocks me into oblivion
Poetry...share your work here!
- RedRosa
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Re: Poetry...share your work here!
PS
These are the guidelines for our poetry group:
feedback guidance
· Unless there is something that you think clearly needs to be addressed in a poem, please try to keep your feedback generally positive, to keep us all motivated. Make a point of saying what you like about the poem.
· If there’s an “I” in the poem, don’t assume that I is necessarily the poet him/her/theirself. That said, there may be some aspect of the poet in the poem, and so be careful about making judgments about the persona presented.
· Always be polite and give each other the benefit of the doubt. Email isn’t always the best means of communicating, but if we’re all working under the assumption that we’re being considerate of each other and want to provide helpful feedback, then that will lessen the opportunity for any misinterpretation of where someone is coming from.
· It might be helpful to couch feedback in terms of your experience, like “I was confused about…” or ask a question (“What would happen if you deleted that line about…”) rather than make a direct statement (“Delete that line about…”).
· As a reader, if a poem feels especially unfinished or in need of a good deal of work, first call attention to anything you like about the poem, even individual words, to give your partner an idea of what’s working. Then, if you have suggestions about what would improve the poem, deliver it as constructively as possible. Keep your comments fairly focused and don’t try to solve the problem of the poem; just offer a suggestion or two of what you think would improve it.
· As a receiver of the feedback, try to be open to what the reader is saying and consider whether there is any resonance or validity to it. Then take it or leave it and leave it at that. Let’s avoid back-and-forth discussions of a poem unless you have a critical follow-up question and the reader is receptive to it.
· Finally, a quote from Dorianne Laux, summing up the process: “Read the poem or story straight through before making comments. Discuss the poem or story as a whole before moving on to particular concerns. Reinforce what you think the writer is doing well and why/how. Point out areas of confusion or where clarity and logic are at issue.”
These are the guidelines for our poetry group:
feedback guidance
· Unless there is something that you think clearly needs to be addressed in a poem, please try to keep your feedback generally positive, to keep us all motivated. Make a point of saying what you like about the poem.
· If there’s an “I” in the poem, don’t assume that I is necessarily the poet him/her/theirself. That said, there may be some aspect of the poet in the poem, and so be careful about making judgments about the persona presented.
· Always be polite and give each other the benefit of the doubt. Email isn’t always the best means of communicating, but if we’re all working under the assumption that we’re being considerate of each other and want to provide helpful feedback, then that will lessen the opportunity for any misinterpretation of where someone is coming from.
· It might be helpful to couch feedback in terms of your experience, like “I was confused about…” or ask a question (“What would happen if you deleted that line about…”) rather than make a direct statement (“Delete that line about…”).
· As a reader, if a poem feels especially unfinished or in need of a good deal of work, first call attention to anything you like about the poem, even individual words, to give your partner an idea of what’s working. Then, if you have suggestions about what would improve the poem, deliver it as constructively as possible. Keep your comments fairly focused and don’t try to solve the problem of the poem; just offer a suggestion or two of what you think would improve it.
· As a receiver of the feedback, try to be open to what the reader is saying and consider whether there is any resonance or validity to it. Then take it or leave it and leave it at that. Let’s avoid back-and-forth discussions of a poem unless you have a critical follow-up question and the reader is receptive to it.
· Finally, a quote from Dorianne Laux, summing up the process: “Read the poem or story straight through before making comments. Discuss the poem or story as a whole before moving on to particular concerns. Reinforce what you think the writer is doing well and why/how. Point out areas of confusion or where clarity and logic are at issue.”
An Injury to One is an Injury to All
- RedRosa
- Posts: 237
- Joined: Mon Feb 13, 2023 5:22 pm
- Location: Los Angeles
- Has liked: 194 times
- Been liked: 98 times
Re: Poetry...share your work here!
The prompt for this poem was "Cosmically conscious."
In the Central Valley of California
verdantly green after being washed
over by one atmospheric river after another
under the waning gibbous moon
is a seated woman
whose vision can penetrate
the darkness like the eyes of a cat
searching the night for movement
She is surrounded by music making
nocturnal fauna whose tunes
are a language that she sees as
a gathering of genius locorum
the deities of the four elements
who dance over
the hills and meadows of her mind
and teach her the secrets of the earthly
cosmos from which
she will distil healing, vitality, and love
potions for those whose
imagination is impaired and remain
circumscribed by the reality principle
In the Central Valley of California
verdantly green after being washed
over by one atmospheric river after another
under the waning gibbous moon
is a seated woman
whose vision can penetrate
the darkness like the eyes of a cat
searching the night for movement
She is surrounded by music making
nocturnal fauna whose tunes
are a language that she sees as
a gathering of genius locorum
the deities of the four elements
who dance over
the hills and meadows of her mind
and teach her the secrets of the earthly
cosmos from which
she will distil healing, vitality, and love
potions for those whose
imagination is impaired and remain
circumscribed by the reality principle
An Injury to One is an Injury to All
-
- Posts: 2
- Joined: Thu Feb 16, 2023 9:42 pm
- Has liked: 6 times
- Been liked: 1 time
Re: Poetry...share your work here!
Two women in love, yet bound by a vow
To society's rules, they must bow
Their hearts beat as one, with passion ablaze
But their hands are tied, in an unwelcome maze
They long to run wild, free as a bird
But their marriage, a cage that can't be deferred
Their love, like a river, flows unbridled
But societal norms, their love is stifled
They yearn for a life, where love knows no bounds
Where their hearts are free, and their love resounds
But they must stay hidden, behind closed doors
For fear of judgment, and society's flaws
Yet in each other's arms, they find solace
A refuge from a world, that can be callous
Their love, a flame that refuses to die
And in their hearts, it will always fly high
So they hold onto hope, for a world that's just
Where love knows no boundaries, and trust
Until then, they'll keep their love concealed
But in each other's eyes, it will always be revealed.
To society's rules, they must bow
Their hearts beat as one, with passion ablaze
But their hands are tied, in an unwelcome maze
They long to run wild, free as a bird
But their marriage, a cage that can't be deferred
Their love, like a river, flows unbridled
But societal norms, their love is stifled
They yearn for a life, where love knows no bounds
Where their hearts are free, and their love resounds
But they must stay hidden, behind closed doors
For fear of judgment, and society's flaws
Yet in each other's arms, they find solace
A refuge from a world, that can be callous
Their love, a flame that refuses to die
And in their hearts, it will always fly high
So they hold onto hope, for a world that's just
Where love knows no boundaries, and trust
Until then, they'll keep their love concealed
But in each other's eyes, it will always be revealed.
- VirgoGirl
- Posts: 584
- Joined: Sat Dec 03, 2022 6:49 pm
- Location: SOUTH AFRICA
- Has liked: 317 times
- Been liked: 181 times
Re: Poetry...share your work here!
Beautiful! It resonates with me 100% at the moment....plain_jane wrote: ↑Wed Apr 19, 2023 12:51 pm Two women in love, yet bound by a vow
To society's rules, they must bow
Their hearts beat as one, with passion ablaze
But their hands are tied, in an unwelcome maze
They long to run wild, free as a bird
But their marriage, a cage that can't be deferred
Their love, like a river, flows unbridled
But societal norms, their love is stifled
They yearn for a life, where love knows no bounds
Where their hearts are free, and their love resounds
But they must stay hidden, behind closed doors
For fear of judgment, and society's flaws
Yet in each other's arms, they find solace
A refuge from a world, that can be callous
Their love, a flame that refuses to die
And in their hearts, it will always fly high
So they hold onto hope, for a world that's just
Where love knows no boundaries, and trust
Until then, they'll keep their love concealed
But in each other's eyes, it will always be revealed.
- VirgoGirl
- Posts: 584
- Joined: Sat Dec 03, 2022 6:49 pm
- Location: SOUTH AFRICA
- Has liked: 317 times
- Been liked: 181 times
Re: Poetry...share your work here!
I can't have what he has and it eats away at my soul,
The fact that he can touch you, this hurts me most of all,
He can hold you while you sleep, he can kiss you any time,
You're still always his, eventhough you say you're mine,
And i will say these things cause you will never know,
How i trully feel, how i need you so,
How every day i dream of you, hiding the pain,
Saying goodbye but feeling that deep emptiness again,
So i will lie to you and tell you that im fine,
That im ok with the fact that you will never really be mine,
Cause i can't have what he has and that is all of you,
I don't want to envy him, but it's all i am left with to do.
The fact that he can touch you, this hurts me most of all,
He can hold you while you sleep, he can kiss you any time,
You're still always his, eventhough you say you're mine,
And i will say these things cause you will never know,
How i trully feel, how i need you so,
How every day i dream of you, hiding the pain,
Saying goodbye but feeling that deep emptiness again,
So i will lie to you and tell you that im fine,
That im ok with the fact that you will never really be mine,
Cause i can't have what he has and that is all of you,
I don't want to envy him, but it's all i am left with to do.
- RedRosa
- Posts: 237
- Joined: Mon Feb 13, 2023 5:22 pm
- Location: Los Angeles
- Has liked: 194 times
- Been liked: 98 times
Re: Poetry...share your work here!
The prompt for this poem was "road block".
I haven't forgotten
the falling comet
arcing across the sky in broad daylight
destined to strike
the bridge of dreams
and blocking the road
to the palace of desire
where I know she still waits
for me, and I know her other suitors
can't fly, can't leap across the chasm
of love but I'll give it a try
and if I fail and fall into that
cleft I'll land with the weight
of Saturn's gravity and sink into the mire
of longing
I haven't forgotten
the falling comet
arcing across the sky in broad daylight
destined to strike
the bridge of dreams
and blocking the road
to the palace of desire
where I know she still waits
for me, and I know her other suitors
can't fly, can't leap across the chasm
of love but I'll give it a try
and if I fail and fall into that
cleft I'll land with the weight
of Saturn's gravity and sink into the mire
of longing
An Injury to One is an Injury to All
-
- Posts: 2
- Joined: Thu Feb 16, 2023 9:42 pm
- Has liked: 6 times
- Been liked: 1 time
Re: Poetry...share your work here!
Thanks Virgo GirlVirgoGirl wrote: ↑Wed Apr 19, 2023 7:54 pmBeautiful! It resonates with me 100% at the moment....plain_jane wrote: ↑Wed Apr 19, 2023 12:51 pm Two women in love, yet bound by a vow
To society's rules, they must bow
Their hearts beat as one, with passion ablaze
But their hands are tied, in an unwelcome maze
They long to run wild, free as a bird
But their marriage, a cage that can't be deferred
Their love, like a river, flows unbridled
But societal norms, their love is stifled
They yearn for a life, where love knows no bounds
Where their hearts are free, and their love resounds
But they must stay hidden, behind closed doors
For fear of judgment, and society's flaws
Yet in each other's arms, they find solace
A refuge from a world, that can be callous
Their love, a flame that refuses to die
And in their hearts, it will always fly high
So they hold onto hope, for a world that's just
Where love knows no boundaries, and trust
Until then, they'll keep their love concealed
But in each other's eyes, it will always be revealed.
- RedRosa
- Posts: 237
- Joined: Mon Feb 13, 2023 5:22 pm
- Location: Los Angeles
- Has liked: 194 times
- Been liked: 98 times
Re: Poetry...share your work here!
The prompt for this poem was "falling."
In Kazakhstan that morning
there was an earthquake
in the bazaar at Alma-Ata
the shelves fell down
spilling maze and cucumbers
all over the road
with dawn caressing dawn (ah
what a blissful moment) while
the shop cats scattered in the twilight
As lovely as a picture postcard
with dawn to dawn
stretched tight as an antenna
you could see the sky of India
from the top of that mountain range
and if you traced the line
of the legendary Silk Route
you could even reach Rome
"The Fall of Rome" that too
the collapse of buildings
the dust settling
and the earth turns another revolution
In Kazakhstan that morning
there was an earthquake
in the bazaar at Alma-Ata
the shelves fell down
spilling maze and cucumbers
all over the road
with dawn caressing dawn (ah
what a blissful moment) while
the shop cats scattered in the twilight
As lovely as a picture postcard
with dawn to dawn
stretched tight as an antenna
you could see the sky of India
from the top of that mountain range
and if you traced the line
of the legendary Silk Route
you could even reach Rome
"The Fall of Rome" that too
the collapse of buildings
the dust settling
and the earth turns another revolution
An Injury to One is an Injury to All
- RedRosa
- Posts: 237
- Joined: Mon Feb 13, 2023 5:22 pm
- Location: Los Angeles
- Has liked: 194 times
- Been liked: 98 times
Re: Poetry...share your work here!
The prompt for this poem was "scald"
Pele continues to devour
the cane fields with molten lava
she is happier than fire
the fire that burns the fields
and fills the air with the scent
of sweet smoke
Pele is making another island
while she enlarges this one
she has no father
she was autogetated by her mother
who also had no father
she is pure female energy
that scalds those arrogant ones
who defy her but
soothes the ones who
know her
her destruction is creative
as old Bakunin knew
that the urge to destroy
is a creative urge
Pele continues to devour
the cane fields with molten lava
she is happier than fire
the fire that burns the fields
and fills the air with the scent
of sweet smoke
Pele is making another island
while she enlarges this one
she has no father
she was autogetated by her mother
who also had no father
she is pure female energy
that scalds those arrogant ones
who defy her but
soothes the ones who
know her
her destruction is creative
as old Bakunin knew
that the urge to destroy
is a creative urge
An Injury to One is an Injury to All