Re: This is a apology to all members

[moonbynight]

[Edit: This is a response to a post that has since been deleted by the user.]

I'm sorry if this upset you. A warning really isn't intended as a punishment or anything. The warning system serves three purposes - giving a method of providing feedback on stuff that isn't ok, transparency within the mod staff as to what was communicated, and facilitating the tracking and identification of users causing repeat problems. The warnings are private to the user and mod staff. However, since you have chosen to make it public, I'll address it here.

The post in question was a poll about sexy selfies. That part is fine. As stated in the warning, please feel free to repost, and I'll participate, since it's a subject I happen to enjoy.

The associated post was a picture of a woman taking a mirror selfie in only underwear, which appears to have been taken from elsewhere on the internet rather than an original photo.

This post was removed rather than simply having the photo removed, which would have been my preference, because that would have left the post with no content.

This post had multiple problems:

Don’t misrepresent yourself

• Don’t post pictures and claim or imply that they are you or yours when they aren’t.

The old board had a long history of people misrepresenting themselves, often using content found elsewhere on the internet to do so. This has caused a lot of drama and hurt, and is not something I have a lot of tolerance for.

Posting a post entitled "Sexy selfies" along with a photo with no additional explanation is, in my opinion, implying that this is a photo of you. I will modify the rules to make the boundaries more clear. If this photo, which can be found on many sites online dating back to 2017, is actually you, I apologize.

Consent first
Mature content limitations

I can understand the confusion here. I agree that an underwear picture may not be R/X-rated, and the post was in the appropriate subforum. I will work on the wording of this to make the intention and boundaries clearer.

There is societal weirdness here, too - bikinis are generally seen as ok to wear in public in appropriate contexts, while underwear is generally seen as more private, despite providing the same (and often more) coverage.

Basically, I want people to be able to be able to participate in the site without having eye-catching visual content pop up that may cause problems for them if others saw or that they may prefer to avoid.

Also, as you said, I don't really want to be hosting this content. A text-based forum can be kept fairly low resources and inexpensive to run. Hosting images can get more problematic.

• This list covers the most important details, but is not exhaustive.
• If a moderator or admin tells you to stop, stop. If you feel this is being abused, please contact the Administrator.
• Refer back to Wil Wheaton’s law.
• If you know it’s wrong, don’t do it.
• If in doubt, please ask.

This is a post that, while perhaps not quite breaking the rules as currently written, seems to me to be clearly pushing the limits of several, whether intentionally or not.

I do not want to try to make an exhaustive list of rules. I have found that, in groups of adults, broad guidelines are usually sufficient for members participating in good faith and willing to accept occasional constructive feedback. And long lists of rules just get ignored, forgotten, or lead people to look for loopholes.

However, I also understand that it can be stressful to worry about running up against unwritten or difficult to interpret rules. On the old site, I was the one pissing the mods off regularly by asking "Where are the rules? Show me the rules." when they'd tell new members to read the rules that didn't actually exist.

I have asked for input on the rules and gotten little more than "sounds good". If there are areas that are not clear, or where perhaps we need to reconsider entirely, I encourage you, and everyone else, to give feedback.

[satehen]

I think I need to have a proper read of the rules rather than a quick glance over. I was a mod on the old site for around 11 years, but rules change. I thought I read that naughty pics were ok in the let’s talk about sex sub forum. Back in my day they were only allowed in a password restricted area.

[moonbynight]

The rules are not a finished product. I'm using this all to try to address how things could be clearer before posting a final version.

I can see where there could be confusion here - in one spot, I say "Post explicit sexual content, whether text or images, in the “Let’s Talk About Sex” forum and its subforums only." which implies such images are allowed.

Basically, I'm aiming for how it was on the old forum. Art was ok (ike celeste_teal's beautiful art appreciation threads), even if it included nudity. Porn/unclothed wasn't, outside of the naughty forum. We don't have to do things exactly like the old forum, but I felt it had a good balance in this regard.

I also do feel strongly about people being able to click on threads without unexpected scantily clad images popping up, even in the otherwise appropriate forum, which was the other main problem with the post in question - there was no indication from the thread title that the first post on the thread (in addition to the poll) was a photo of a woman wearing only underwear.

I am too wordy at times, and would love to find a better balance between concise and easy to read, and having enough info for people to understand the spirit of the rule.

Please do let me know in The Rules Thread (or here, I suppose) if you have any suggestions for clarity, or anything you remember from the old site that I've forgotten about.

[satehen]

Is the NF making a return?

[.Ilye.]

I agree it's nice to have a warning that a thread will contain NSFW images so it can be avoided if you're out and about or somewhere it wouldn't be appropriate to have explicit pictures visible. For example, there's a difference between reading text on the bus and pictures.

[moonbynight]

Is the NF making a return?

Maybe once enough people have enough posts to make it worth it

I'm not against the idea at all, but have more to figure out first.

[MarieGreen]

I have to admit I was a bit of a fan of the naughtier threads on the old forum. Pictures or not. You ladies often got me feeling pretty turned on and I a bit of an exhibitionist... I will happily share in a password protected area.

[GinTonic]

I have to admit I was a bit of a fan of the naughtier threads on the old forum. Pictures or not. You ladies often got me feeling pretty turned on and I a bit of an exhibitionist... I will happily share in a password protected area.

Me too,

[Orla]

My take on this as a member of this site and not a mod is that because we do not have a verification process here (I’m not knocking this decision since I get the reasoning behind it) there is a level of trust that is missing, and for me it is twofold.

1) I am aware that there are people here who are not engaging honestly, and because of lack of trust I do not feel safe posting any photos, let alone NSFW ones.


2) I don’t necessarily have confidence that people who do post NSFW photos would be posting real ones and not random ones found on the internet, as was the case with the original post here (the apology) and I would not feel comfortable engaging with or commenting on them.

I’m part of other communities on different platforms that do have NSFW photo sections that I feel safe engaging with, because there is verification as well as trust there. Not every community needs a NSFW photo section IMO. Like moonbynight said in another comment elsewhere, there is value in shy and/or closeted people being able to join here anonymously and share their journey.

[Matriarch]

The NF had its flaws in spite of it being password protected. People racing to get their 50 min posts prerequisite for example. Quality over quantity might be of consideration. Then a member should apply and the mods vote on the merit of the request.. maybe even only having the mods review applications once a month. Seems if someone wants access to a NF then waiting for approval shouldn't be of issue. If it is then it would seem they aren't a good candidate to have access.

Just my two cents.