Don't really know what to do

[CraftyNaBi27]

It's a blog-type post. I'm just airing out some feelings.

So, I decided to give my search for a girlfriend a go; however, it sucks that I don't have the free time to dedicate to her. I mean, that is the crux. Also, I don't know where I'll find her because I've joined IRL communities, and not one person has taken an interest in me. It also doesn't help that my introversion prevents me from truly jumping in. Really, I'm an ambivert. I'm only introverted if I am unsure how I will be accepted. I will not engage in conversation if it seems like I do not have much to offer or if I am feeling slightly threatened by the community itself. The extroversion comes in when I find my tribe, and then I can let my hair down, relax, and hang with them. But, getting to that point is the hard part. Most of the time, I lurk, read their forums where they post events, and see where I can fit in. If I don't find it, I stay quiet. Yep, what a joy to be me, right? I was never like that before. I was known to take social risks, but now I am extra cautious. There is a reason for that. That will be for another time.

Anyway, this morning, I saw my pointless crush. When she saw me ordering my coffee, she waved frantically at me to say hello. I thought she would return to the window to talk to me like usual, but I think she got busy. I say pointless crush because she is monogamous, yet I still have feelings for her. So, having a crush on her is pointless because I won't pursue it. It is against my personal rules to engage with someone who is strictly monogamous in hopes of trying polyamory. That is a losing battle, so I don't try that. However, I am allowed to be attracted to them. I am human, after all. It's nice to see her when she appears every once in a blue moon, but after that, I feel a little sad because I can't talk to her at all times. I gave her my IG info long ago because she wanted to see my artwork, but I have yet to know if she's added me. Therefore, there are no PMs to look forward to.

Huge sigh

I know she attracts me, but that is all it will be. It will go nowhere. So, I gotta look elsewhere.

That's how my life is going at the moment.

I shall saddle up my horse and keep riding until I reach the next town. Until then, I'll have fleeting thoughts of her.

[VirgoGirl]

[VirgoGirl]

I too am looking and it's very hard to find someone. I have so much love to give. I get how you feel!