Queer/pride styles?

[Orla]

I’m curious about how you guys “show up” in your queer identities. I know a couple of you have tattoos with pride themes and have shared them. How else do you share this info (if you do, that is)?

As someone who rarely sports pride-related clothing or accessories, I think its 100% valid if one chooses not to. Not long ago, I went to a queer bar with a younger friend who said she felt she didn’t “look queer enough” and while I went through some of that at her age, as well, I just told her that she looks like herself and she’s queer, nothing is else needed. At the end of the day, IMO the goal is to feel confident and comfortable however you style yourself.

[VirgoGirl]

Why should you look anything but yourself? Personally I don't see the need why you should be looking a certain way for people to know your sexual identity. I feel that it's not something I need to advertise to everyone i meet or walk past. If you're important to me and i feel the need to tell you, then i will in my own time. That counts for labeling as well. But i mean, that's just my personal opinion.

[Ripley]

I had a long chat with a mate of mine recently who is married to her long time partner and they are extremely happy. She said surprisingly that she struggled with her identity and is still having therapy.

Personally I know I am not so much of a girlie girl and therefore I dont dress that way and yes I have my tattoos one of which is in pride colours.

I dont feel the need to shout from the rooftops that I now have a woman partner but I also am proud of how far I have come in the last few years and dont want to have to edit myself.

My tattoos were the first step in my journey as I had wanted them and everybody told me not to get them so I thought, no im getting them for me and then one turned in to 7 (and counting). I dont hide that I like to dress less feminine but ive struggled over the years as people have said I should conform and be more girly.

Sexually I didnt even have an identity when I was married and didnt feel remotely sexy. Now I have a partner who notices me and makes me feel that way so I guess I just felt I had to tone that down with my husband so as not to scare him. I have gone from being very vanilla now to I will give it a go at least once .

I would say you can only do how you feel. If some days you feel a certain way then go with it and if others you feel another then thats fine. It may be an ongoing journey but I feel more comfortable in my skin now than I have done for a long time.

[VirgoGirl]

I had a long chat with a mate of mine recently who is married to her long time partner and they are extremely happy. She said surprisingly that she struggled with her identity and is still having therapy.

Personally I know I am not so much of a girlie girl and therefore I dont dress that way and yes I have my tattoos one of which is in pride colours.

I dont feel the need to shout from the rooftops that I now have a woman partner but I also am proud of how far I have come in the last few years and dont want to have to edit myself.

My tattoos were the first step in my journey as I had wanted them and everybody told me not to get them so I thought, no im getting them for me and then one turned in to 7 (and counting). I dont hide that I like to dress less feminine but ive struggled over the years as people have said I should conform and be more girly.

Sexually I didnt even have an identity when I was married and didnt feel remotely sexy. Now I have a partner who notices me and makes me feel that way so I guess I just felt I had to tone that down with my husband so as not to scare him. I have gone from being very vanilla now to I will give it a go at least once .

I would say you can only do how you feel. If some days you feel a certain way then go with it and if others you feel another then thats fine. It may be an ongoing journey but I feel more comfortable in my skin now than I have done for a long time.

Great answer!! I agree whole heartedly....you be you and do what makes you feel comfortable. I have never understood why society deems a woman a "woman" only if she dresses girly. I mean, you can dress less girly and be straight, it does not always mean that you are lesbian. And you can dress girly and still be lesbian. I think it's just personal preference and has got nothing to do with your sexual identity.

But yeah, i totally get the tatoos. I think i would also have gotten one to represent my bisexuality if i had the oppertunity to be more open....sadly, i don't. I envy you....you go girl!

[RedRosa]

I dress Punk, black leather jacket, black jeans, boots, and that includes make up. None of my tatts are Pride related, but my style is permeable between the art/music/poetry world and the dyke world.

[satehen]

Other than occasionally wearing a rainbow or bipride colour brooch not much. I do have some bi pride braces though that I haven’t worn out yet.

[moonbynight]

Why should you look anything but yourself? Personally I don't see the need why you should be looking a certain way for people to know your sexual identity. I feel that it's not something I need to advertise to everyone i meet or walk past. If you're important to me and i feel the need to tell you, then i will in my own time. That counts for labeling as well. But i mean, that's just my personal opinion.

I feel like my overall style has been gradually leaning more queer/masc, but I'm not sure if it's really enough to cue people. While wearing rainbow stuff is not really my natural inclination, I do wear them anyways for the purpose of visibility. This is for two reasons.

First and primary is being a visibly safe person, especially in a work context (though that isn't as relevant at the moment since I WFH). I live in a fairly conservative area, and it made a big difference to me when I first started at my previous job seeing openly gay people, and how people reacted to them (for the most part, positively). So once I got more confident in both my identity and role at work, I felt like I wanted to be that person for others. And, working in healthcare, it is especially important to me to help queer patients feel safe, as they are in a very vulnerable situation.

Second is putting myself out there from a dating and community-building perspective. I don't like apps, especially the current swipe-based sort. Women tend to be hesitant to approach other women without some indication that it would be welcome, especially in more conservative areas. So if I want to meet people, gotta put myself out there somehow.

I currently have a rainbow watchband. It's fairly subtle, but there if someone is looking for it. That's all I wear routinely. My badge at my old job had a rainbow-colored image on it, as well. If I go back to working with people, I'll find something similarly visible. Possibly an equality symbol, as that's more of a solidarity symbol, and I do feel a little weird bringing my sexuality into a professional context.

[Orla]

@moonbynight Being a visibly safe person in health care is so important. I see markers like that so rarely from providers (in spite of living in a liberal city) and I believe that it has the potential to really matter to patients.

I should clarify-I rarely see that in providers that I’ve encountered, and to be fair that’s not a huge amount.

[satehen]

I’m an LGBTQ+ ambassador at work so I wear a rainbow lanyard. There are posters up explaining that this means anyone who is LGBTQ + can come to me (and the others) for help.

[RedRosa]

I’m an LGBTQ+ ambassador at work so I wear a rainbow lanyard. There are posters up explaining that this means anyone who is LGBTQ + can come to me (and the others) for help.

Cool. Good on you sister!