Sorry to ask the question but...

[MarieGreen]

How do we know that we're talking to women here? No I'm not being shitty.... I'm meaning how do we know that there aren't men who identify as men joining?

Maybe I'm paranoid. But like some others here I'd never talk online with a man I didn't know, at least not knowingly as I would find that violating considering what I've been through in life. But something someone said to me a while back made me think they were a guy. I might be completely wrong buti just want to ask the question to understand my level of safety.

(No criticism of mods because you guys who give up time for this are beyond awesome!)

[Kaylee]

Hi MarieGreen - I think that’s a great question. I joined Shybi a few years ago and in my experience, the women here look out for one another and the mods are excellent.

I have always tried to be open here but do so with safety in mind, and with the understanding that I am never 100% sure of who I am talking to.

[moonbynight]

How do we know that we're talking to women here? No I'm not being shitty.... I'm meaning how do we know that there aren't men who identify as men joining?

We don't. I don't have an interest in either the amount of work or privacy invasion involved in checking people's IDs or similar steps to verify identity. Plus this would be a barrier to legitimate users of this site (shy people, trans women).

If someone is openly interacting with the forum as man, they're kicked off.

There absolutely are people, regardless of their gender, who are not being totally open and honest about themselves. There is no realistic way to prevent this. Be cautious in your interactions with people here - as is true on the internet in general.

[Orla]

Yes, to echo what moonbynight said: be careful of who you interact with here. Be careful of sharing personal information via DM as well, because not everyone is as they try to seem.

[Silo]

There isn't a surefire way to know, but if your concern is for safety you can always report suspicious behavior to the mods. Of course, regardless of if you're speaking with a woman or a man, you should be careful volunteering personal info anyway. Just because someone's a woman doesn't mean they're harmless or 'safe'.

[Mintcake]

I agree with what's been said already.
Ideally, some sort of photo or video verification would be a good idea.

However this site & the owner/moderators don't have the resources like Facebook and even some dating apps to set that up.

So we all take chances and hope our common sense & gut feeling prevail.

Can I have your bank details please? Haha, just kidding

[moonbynight]

Ideally, some sort of photo or video verification would be a good idea.

However this site & the owner/moderators don't have the resources like Facebook and even some dating apps to set that up.

While you're correct that this is a totally volunteer-run site, and therefore very different from a site with staff paid for this purpose, there are steps that could be taken.

I choose not to.

I feel like maintaining anonymity and openness is more important. Many people stumble on here towards the beginning of their journey, and value privacy. I would not have joined the original site myself if it required any sort of verification.

I also feel that it's likely safer to participate with that edge of wariness that you don't know people's identities, rather than trusting in processes that may be less than perfect. Facebook and dating sites are still overrun with fakes despite their resources and paid, dedicated staff.

I also feel that men, whose participation tends to become transparent fairly quickly, are not the biggest problem as far as this goes.

[MarieGreen]

Ah thanks and genuine thank yous to everyone who works hard on this site.

I disagree that it becomes obvious quickly. I think the various cases of grooming online prove that and also remind us all to be careful. Sometimes though, there's the odd word or scenario where I think "nope" but I could of course be wrong.