Family...

[MarieGreen]

My parents. I've had it.

About three months ago I'd posted something on linkedin about a work issue. Nothing bad just I post a lot about leadership, wellbeing etc.

My parents aren't on LinkedIn but I used to be linked to a few relatives. One, who is a bit of a busybody anyway, sent a message to my Dad by email. A highly selective one with parts in large letters and bold which were not emphasised in the original post.

My father then sends me an email in a "what the hell are you doing?" Kind of way. I respond saying he's deliberately misinterpreted it etc. Does my Dad apologise? Nope. I get another mail so I send him a screen grab of the post which was widely liked. He then sends me a message questioning my intelligence and emotional maturity etc.

I leave it. He's fond of giving me unsolicited advice on work and life which I just ignore but it annoys me. A lot.

A month ago, my parents turn up at y house uninvited. I have a two hour daily commute and was tired but I welcome them in. After about two and a half hours they don't even get the hint as I'm actually going to bed.

This week they call me during my working hours wailing down the phone that they don't hear from me.

By his point I'm trying to get sh** done and very fed up. Fed up of being their emotional and practical support since I was 13. Fed up with despite this them thinking they have the right to comment on my life.

Later I get another mail. Complaining how they don't see me. How they're bored etc.

I crack. Matter of factory I write a response asking them not to comment nor give unsolicited advice on work. Not to turn up uninvited and not to call me playing the victim.

Cue two further mails I've simply ignored. But they're unpleasant.

For reference my Dad has had several affairs I believe but one which is not in doubt is one he had when I was about 13-15 years old. During that time I was my mother's informal therapist about it all. My mum is an alcoholic albeit highly functioning. My dad has had cancer for years. Neither have long left probably but also nothing specific that's going to make them drop dead tomorrow.

Both are highly homophobic and I think it's one of he reasons I've never come out. They're both hard right (UK Reform party) voters, voted for Brexit knowing how much more it would impact me negatively. They're racist as hell and deny it.

I've sought therapy myself in the past and had more than one therapist describe my upbringing as "emotionally abusive". I'm not sure I completely identify with that but or now at least I've had enough. In my message I said I was not cutting my parents out and still loved them but I'm not sure that's true. AITA for wondering if I really do love them and wouldn't care if I never saw them again? I kind of hate everything they are and what the stand for. And what's probably brought it to the fore is my child is now the age I was when I was an adult to them. And I now see how inappropriate that was.

[VirgoGirl]

Wow! Man, that must be so hard on you. I'm sorry that you have to go through this nonsense almost on a daily basis. That really sucks. I can kinda relate as my Dad is a functioning alcoholic as well, but drinks at the office and when he gets home, all hell breaks loose with my Mom. He does not physically abuse her but does mentally and emotionally. When i used to live at home, i got the abuse too. I know this sounds selfish and also very insensitive, but after 20 years of telling and begging my Mom to leave him, im so fucking tired of hearing her complaints about him every single night (she phones me). At some stage, you really just can't take it anymore.

I have no advice for you. All I can give you is the fact that I hear you and I sympathize. I'm sorry that you have to put up with this. We can't choose our family.