Lost Causes

[Eliyanacutie]

My whole life I’ve kind of felt out of place, I’m about to turn 20 and I feel like I’m just alone. I have acquaintances not like friends, I’ve never been in a proper relationship, I feel like I’m socially awkward.

The crazy thing is I’m an attractive young woman and I guess I kind of flaunt that too, hell I rely on it to manipulate people I suppose, but try get close to me and I shut down.

I discovered sex probably a little too young when I accidentally saw what my brother had been looking at on his laptop, among videos of men and women were several lesbian videos and that’s what caught my eye. There was a beauty to some of them and some were just sex, but i continue to this day to view these kinds of videos.

What’s my point, I guess my point is that I’m confused, the reality is I have only kissed a few boys and had little more than dry humping, none of which does much for me. I have had huge crushes on girlfriends and on my mother’s best friend but no actual physical contact with another girl, yet I’m pretty sure I might be gay.

Should I try and experience a man then test the waters with a woman, I mean how can I know for sure what I’m feeling. I only know my fantasy life is deep an rich and I live vicariously through the videos I watch

Advice is desperately needed.

[VirgoGirl]

Hi and welcome to the community.

Sigh...you know, i have pondered about this for a long time now and i guess i am kind of happy that someone in your situation has come to ask for advice. I am in my 40's, i am married to a wonderful man and i also met my dream woman a couple of years ago. Unfortunately circumstances and certain rules only allow us to have a relationship online and not physically in reality....our partners are happy only this way. Now, having said that, i will now make clear to you why i'm explaining my situation to you...i wish i knew what i know now when i was your age. I wish i wasn't so scared and so brainwashed to do what society deemed acceptable at that time. I wish someone would have given me the following advice: LIVE YOUR LIFE TO THE FULLEST, EXPERIENCE EVERYTHING YOU WANT TO AND CAN. EXPERIMENT BOTH SIDES....GUYS AND GIRLS. You will eventually find your soulmate, be it male or female. But at least, before you settle down, you would have had the blessing of experiencing love from both sides and that is something that not a lot of people get to do. You're still young, explore and go find yourself.

I hope i helped....good luck!

[Eliyanacutie]

Thank you V girl, it’s nice to not feel alone.