Shybi 3.0

As we get older, unfortunately so do our parents and it’s not an easy thing to watch-someone who was once so independent now counts on you for so many things they used to be able to handle and do themselves. So not only do I have the responsibility of my kids but I’ve been taking care of my Mom since the beginning of this year. And my marriage has went to hell in a handbasket but still trying to remain civil to him during the holidays since we still live together and for the sake of the kids.
My mom is on the borderline of dementia—it’s a sad, sad thing. We went to see the neurologist and he’s ordered her to have bloodwork done as well as an MRI of her brain. Upon some digging in my moms medical reports from previous years, this should have been brought up about 4 years ago when she began having balance issues and apparently had an MRI done then that showed some signs of declining cognitive functioning. I don’t know how to balance all of this, but am hoping some of you are able to give me some insight. Thanks ladies!

I'm so sorry. You are so patient to do so much caring.

My partner's Mum is now getting deaf and blind. We got her a carer but she fired her because she wasn't doing anything (her words). My partner works long hours and regularly let's me down prioritising work. He wanted her to move in with us. I said no because I knew I'd do all the caring and work full time anyway so she'd be alone dying the day. I think he thinks of me as heartless. And perhaps I am but it's something I'm not sure I'd have the patience to do for my own mother. It's a tall ask and it normally gets asked of women not men.

While I do not (yet) care for aging parents, my career is in geriatric healthcare and I have a lot of experience with families who are in that situation, so I'll chime in if I have any helpful info.

My mom recently had her first major health scare, but lives 1000 miles away, very close to my brother, so he will probably end up with most of that responsibility. My dad lives geographically closer to me, but not close-close, and I'm not sure what's going to end up happening with him if he needs more assistance. Currently neither of them is in the position to need assistance from a cognitive standpoint, are mostly fine physically, and my family is long-lived, so hopefully they don't end up needing major assistance for a good while. Assuming nothing drastically changes in my life, in about 10 years I can reasonably look at moving closer to one or the other if it were needed.

I've been going through a lot with my dad for awhile now. He has severe congestive heart failure. I'm 58 and my parents are 86. I suppose I should be grateful I've had them this long. This phase of life is not for the faint of heart.