Where to start?

[letsbefriends1st]

Okay not sure if this post belongs here or somewhere else, but honestly looking for some advice from you lovely ladies. So hubs and I have sat down and had a conversation about how I’m just done—done being married, some trying to fix something that’s not fixable due to him not wanting to change..blah blah blah. He still keeps trying to feed my head with crap, trying to convince me he wants it to work with us and blah blah blah. However, I feel like I need to tell him the truth about my desire about we wanting to strictly be with a woman—I want to spread my wings and venture out and see where it goes. Yes part of me is scared as hell putting myself out there and dating all over again (we have been together for 20 years)
Okay now that you have that info, my question is how did you ladies bring it up to your partner? I don’t need his approval or whatever because I’ve felt like a single married woman for so long, but I just want to be honest with him because part of me feels like he deserves to know the truth.

[Orla]

Why do you feel that he deserves to know the truth? It’s a question worth exploring, since you say you’re done with him.

I’d be wary of coming out to him while you live with him, unless you can trust that he’ll be able to handle that news appropriately (and specifically that he won’t harm you).

[letsbefriends1st]

I’ve honestly been tossing around the question of whether to tell him or not. I am totally and completely done with him—there’s nothing left between us despite him telling me he “loves” me. But I have closed myself off to him, no affection, intimacy, or even “I love you.” I mean is it really worth risking a fight and reaction from him? But I do want to download some of the apps for women and part of the requirement is you have to post a facial pic, so guess that’s part of the reason why I was questioning telling him rather than someone he knows seeing my profile pic and him finding out that way.
I appreciate your input Orla

[Orla]

May I humbly suggest a sunglasses photo! Or the Lex app, which doesn’t require a photo.

But more seriously, if someone he knows were to see you on an app, wouldn’t that be a rather low risk? Does he have queer female friends, relatives, or coworkers? You specifically mentioned women’s apps, not general dating apps. Good luck!

[Kea]

I just want to be honest with him because part of me feels like he deserves to know the truth.
[/quote]

I simply told my husband that I was not straight. We were out of town. Then, one night I said that I wanted to share something very personal to him.

If you feel like he deserves to know the truth, then maybe your honest and good intention will take you to a good place. IMO, it's better for the truth to come directly from you than him finding it out in a more shocking way. Once you told him, then you could move forward. It's more like getting it out of the way. My only concern is how your husband is going to handle the situation once you tell him about your truth. Is he a reasonable person? Even if you have a good intention, will you be comfortable in telling him (safety-wise)?