Family. This be the verse...
Posted: Mon Jul 15, 2024 7:20 pm
The reference to the poem will be evident to some but for those who don't know Philip Larkin's poem, this is it:
They fuck you up, your mum and dad.
They may not mean to, but they do.
They fill you with the faults they had
And add some extra, just for you.
But they were fucked up in their turn
By fools in old-style hats and coats,
Who half the time were soppy-stern
And half at one another’s throats.
Man hands on misery to man.
It deepens like a coastal shelf.
Get out as early as you can,
And don’t have any kids yourself.
Ah parents... I know I should take a sanguine view or at least a resigned.one that their parents were hardly positive role models... But.
I'm so fed up. I'm fed up with the artifice of their long marriage when my mother would confide tearfully in me about my father's many infidelities when I was child myself. Then ply me with alcohol (as a kid) so she wasn't drinking alone.
I know I should welcome their sage work advice when my parents achieved a fraction of my success and yet still often tell me how I'm doing it wrong.
I know I should still show them love when they play favourites with my siblings and talk,.often disparagingly about me behind my back with them and other relatives.
I know I should grit my teeth and be tolerant when they're anything but. Openly hating anyone who isn't heterosexual and voting for far right political parties.
They are everything I'm not and I am everything they are not.
And I'm finally done with "I know I should" because I'm not sure I give a shit anymore.
And yet if I try to put space between us for my mental wellbeing I'm sent vicious emails or texts proclaiming me to be cruel.
Perhaps I am. Because I'm not sure I have any affection left.
And perhaps my kid will think the same of me someday. As they could be unforgiving of my behaviours no doubt learned from them. But at least I've tried. Spending hours in therapy to trust partners, establish my sense of self, including my bisexual self I've always denied faced by their open hostility and get well.
They fuck you up, your mum and dad.
They may not mean to, but they do.
They fill you with the faults they had
And add some extra, just for you.
But they were fucked up in their turn
By fools in old-style hats and coats,
Who half the time were soppy-stern
And half at one another’s throats.
Man hands on misery to man.
It deepens like a coastal shelf.
Get out as early as you can,
And don’t have any kids yourself.
Ah parents... I know I should take a sanguine view or at least a resigned.one that their parents were hardly positive role models... But.
I'm so fed up. I'm fed up with the artifice of their long marriage when my mother would confide tearfully in me about my father's many infidelities when I was child myself. Then ply me with alcohol (as a kid) so she wasn't drinking alone.
I know I should welcome their sage work advice when my parents achieved a fraction of my success and yet still often tell me how I'm doing it wrong.
I know I should still show them love when they play favourites with my siblings and talk,.often disparagingly about me behind my back with them and other relatives.
I know I should grit my teeth and be tolerant when they're anything but. Openly hating anyone who isn't heterosexual and voting for far right political parties.
They are everything I'm not and I am everything they are not.
And I'm finally done with "I know I should" because I'm not sure I give a shit anymore.
And yet if I try to put space between us for my mental wellbeing I'm sent vicious emails or texts proclaiming me to be cruel.
Perhaps I am. Because I'm not sure I have any affection left.
And perhaps my kid will think the same of me someday. As they could be unforgiving of my behaviours no doubt learned from them. But at least I've tried. Spending hours in therapy to trust partners, establish my sense of self, including my bisexual self I've always denied faced by their open hostility and get well.
