What has Shys done for you?

[Bookworm]

Not sure if this has already been discussed but what was your experience of being on original Shys?

For me firstly, it was the understanding that there were other women struggling like me who were around the same stage in life with similar family set ups i.e. married with kids. Then also seeing that not all of those marriages were unhappy and some husbands were accepting of the attraction to other women. That blew my mind at first. Secondly, slowly accepting my attraction to women and then lastly, meeting someone who made me feel the way I've been waiting to feel forever.

It's been a journey and the reason I am invested enough to keep posting.

Over to you ladies, care to share?

[Orla]

Joining the OG forum was the first step I took in actively finding bi community, something I’d never previously had. When I joined the original forum it was very dead/inactive, but there was a Slack community (later replaced by our existing Discord community) in which I made numerous friends and connections. So I guess while my experience with Shys has been different from some of yours, I’m really pleased to have the opportunity to help rebuild that community.

[VirgoGirl]

I posted this in another thread as well:

You know, it was when i first googled bisexuality in my late 20's when i came upon Shys and joined. Shys has been a very important part of my life and opened me more up to acceptance of my sexuality. I have been with Shys for 13 years now....one underestimates the power and influence and support a site like this one can offer. Im grateful for this site and all the friends i have made and still going to make.

Also, Shys helped me find my girlfriend, we met in the old site just before it shut down. If it wasn't for Shys, we never would have met.

So yeah, its done a lot for me.

[delevigne-fan]

Not too much.
This version is better as the site owner seems to be an actual human being, rather than an absentee figure.

[Orla]

This version is better as the site owner seems to be an actual human being, rather than an absentee figure.

That’s exactly the impression I had of LF. The site went down in flames a few times before the final time, and they were no where to be found. Once you have a community like that you have a certain responsibility to not let it fall apart, IMO.

[moonbynight]

The reality is she kept that site going, at least partially at her own expense (and the expenses she posted at one point were significant), for 15-20 years (I'm a little unclear if the first incarnation of the site on Internet Archive, from 2003, is the same owner). If she'd dropped out at the point where she personally lost most interest, I'm not sure any of us would have found it in the first place.

She totally could have handled things better, and I hope to do so. But I cannot promise I will be willing or able to be actively involved forever and ever myself.

[Orla]

She totally could have handled things better, and I hope to do so. But I cannot promise I will be willing or able to be actively involved forever and ever myself.

No that’s valid. I don’t know if she actually tried to “pass the torch” so to speak, to anyone who might have been willing and able to assume responsibility as the site owner in her place. If nothing else, some kind of communication to users that she was stepping away would have been good.

[moonbynight]

What shys has done for me... that's kind of a hard question.

Sometime in 2008 or so, I googled "shy bisexual". Not because I was shy about bisexuality specifically, but because I was pretty painfully shy in general and wanted to try to figure out how to be more actively bisexual as a shy person. And that's how I ended up here.

I was already pretty firm in my bisexual identity at that point - I'd identified as bisexual since my teens, and truly trusted it for about 5 years. But I think that the anonymity of shys made me more comfortable with expressing and exploring it. I'd done this some on LiveJournal before that, but there was a little too much real life overlap there for me to feel I could be fully open.

Beyond that... it's been endless hours of socialization, entertainment and/or timewasting. I agree with @Orla that the associated Slack/Discord, and to a lesser extent, the old chat on the site before it became unusable, have been better for me as far as actual interpersonal connections than the forum itself, but the forum still fills a certain niche.

[Ripley]

I remember being relieved there were so many different opinions on the old site from partners accepting their spouses were bi to others who realised their marriages broke down. Some who believed poly and ethical non monogamy was cool and worked for them and others who it didnt work for. Some who realised they were bi and others who realised just women worked for them.

I found it hard to connect with people at first as I was scared of judgement and a bit scared of how I would be taken but people were very nice and I got to know a few from the old site and some now I stay in touch with off there. My partner was from the old site too so I have a lot to be thankful for.

It taught me so much about being less judgemental of different situations even when I couldnt get my head round things.

[delevigne-fan]

This version is better as the site owner seems to be an actual human being, rather than an absentee figure.

That’s exactly the impression I had of LF. The site went down in flames a few times before the final time, and they were no where to be found. Once you have a community like that you have a certain responsibility to not let it fall apart, IMO.

Agree, thanks.

I acknowledge reading the posts below too. All valid.